The Gothic Art of Breastfeeding

Okay... the title may be a little bit of a stretch. It’s not necessarily gothic to breastfeed, unless where you are from choosing to do so puts you squarely in the realm of the counter culture. However, finding fashion that works while you’re breastfeeding and trying to dress goth is a challenge.

I breastfed my eldest, my son, until he was two. For the last nine months of that I was also pregnant, with the dual challenge of trying to find gothic maternity and breastfeeding wear. This is partly what propelled me into the realm of the normal I think. I gave up trying to cope with depression and finding clothes that fit my ever changing shape. And let’s face it- your body does an awful lot of shaming with two pregnancies and breastfeeding in the span of two years.

First things first: People are going to stare. That’s just a fact. People stare when you breastfeed in public, whether you choose to cover or not. People stare when you’re a goth. Expect double the staring and double the eye boggles. I’ve found the best response when people stare whilst I breastfeed is to smile and wave. Occasionally, this opens the window for conversations and new friends, and other times they get the hint and stop rubbernecking long enough to focus on their own business.

I'm not going to go into a lengthy discussion on breastfeeding technique or anything, though I'm open to questions if you have them. I will link to some excellent resources at the bottom of the article for your researching pleasure.

There are a few things that can make breastfeeding and nursing in public a little easier on yourself.

Health and Fitness: Goth Workout Wear

(Disclaimer: I am in no way endorsing the companies I've linked to. I do not profit at all from you clicking the links or buying. This is just some google fu for my own entertainment, and hopefully yours. All pictures belong to the websites linked. None are mine.)

Let's be honest, working out kinda feels…. less than goth. It feels like something soccer moms or people like Maria Kang do, not something people who usually dress like this do.

Picture via Tumblr's Facebook page

Exercise has been proven to liven mood, decrease symptoms of depression, and coupled with a healthy diet can really improve your health and quality of life. In part of my efforts to lose weight, I've adopted a quick at home workout routine. I immediately set out to find gothic workout attire. Being on a budget  not sure if actually going to stick with working out, I didn't want to spend a fortune. Oh the things I'd buy if I could though. As I was researching for this piece, I came across an actual movement called Health Goth, to which I've linked some relevant articles below.

Enjoy some links below for some ideas to find your own goth workout gear.

First things first. You need to stay hydrated. 

Why not try this Skull Water Bottle?


Or maybe this one.

Or maybe this Nightmare Before Christmas one?

Dissenting Voice: On Modern Babybats, the Internet, and You-Kids-Get-Offa-My-Cemetery

I’ve been reading a lot more Goth blogs of late as I’ve begun diving back into the subculture. One thing that seems to be repeated often by my fellow Elder Goths is how “easy” modern babybats have it. I read how the internet makes them lazy, that the internet propagates only one correct way to be Goth.

I humbly disagree.

First, let’s address the One True Goth Way ™ statement. If this were true, why would we have the likes of this awesome artist with her tongue-in-cheek Goth stereotypes?

 

http://trellia.deviantart.com/gallery/25271332/Goth-stereo-Types

How would we have the hundreds of derivations of Goth fashion? They don’t just pop up out of thin air. They are created by Goths, new and old, to create their own personal vision of what Goth is. Look at Dark Mori. Look at Gothic Lolita. These are very, very recent interpretations of Goth, spread in part by the proliferation of manga and anime and graphic novels. Even these art forms expanded and grew to give us some seriously great gothic imagery and seriously creepy horror stories. Look at Cybergoth. Look at Health Goth—None of these existed in the 80s or even the 90s. (Maybe Cybergoth, technically, I suppose.)

Second, let’s talk about the internet. The internet is a strange place. It’s full of trolls, keyboard warriors, anonymous assholes, pictures of cats, pictures of food, awesome DIYers, awesome support networks, and young people trying to find themselves. I discovered Goth was a thing back in junior high when I admired the older black clad “early” Goths and their attire. I began to buy a few pieces in 2000, the year I became a freshman in high school. (I see you doing the math. I’m 29, graduating class of 2004.) Many of these pieces came from Hot Topic. In my small, conservative town, it was the only place to go. Even then, I had to drive to the next town over to get to Hot Topic. I learned how to customize and refine these pieces so I’d be less cookie cutter. Because heaven forbid I walk around in something that clearly came from a store in the mall.

How I wore Tripp

Okay, I'm very nervous to post these pics for a couple reasons. 1. I never post pics of myself unless it's a particularly angled phone selfie and everything looks right. 2. I am very, very body conscious, so I'm afraid of being judged by that. 3. This is my first time working with taking self portraits with this camera. I don't really know much about it (my Rebel is ruined so I'm borrowing someone's DSLR, a Canon 20D, and it's a whooooole new world). So please be gentle and pardon the awkwardness and grainy pics. 

I'm used to doll photography, haha.  I'm also 149lbs and a measly 5'2" tall in shoes. I guess that's why we short, stocky girls aren't professional models, lol. There's a certain awkwardness here to work with.

The other day I came across a green Tripp miniskirt at Goodwill. It was half price day so I got it for $2.00..... even though Tripp isn't my thing, I thought, "Why not?" and snagged it. I also got the skirt with all the ruffles underneath for another $2.00.

I like layering! Layering is my very best friend and makes me feel comfortable, especially knowing I'm not going to accidentally flash things that ought not be flashed. I have a rather large *ahem* derriere, so Tripp miniskirts ride even higher on me than others. My ass literally cannot be covered by a Tripp miniskirt. So, I layered the skirt over the ruffles and voila! Not too bad. Not something I'd wear a lot, as it's a little young for me I think, but I might consider it with a biker jacket for a weekend of doing something fun that doesn't require a ton of bending over.

I'd also probably pair it with leggings or dark colored nylons. A colored corset could be cute too actually.. *brainstorming*
 

Then I remembered I still have a skirt from before I had my kids that I was never confident enough to wear. I admit I can barely fit into it and relied on some shapewear to make me feel a little smoother, but the effect is nice enough too. 

So I suppose this is a decent way to wear Tripp or miniskirts if you don't like super, super short skirts. (Or you have enormous bottom that refuses to be covered by them.)

So there you have it, a post I feel pretty brave putting out there, and my first actual fashion post. Hopefully my self portraiture will improve and my modeling skills.

Family Criticisms: The Good Mother (TM)

It sounds like the typical baby bat cliché, "My parents don't understand me," you cry into your black satin pillow, mascara running down your chalk-white face.

There is this assumption, at least in the conservative part of the world from which I hail, that as you grow up you're to leave the trappings of your youth behind. Make that double time if you have kids. In my state, it is normal to be married by 18 and have multiple children by the time you're 26. Heaven forbid you have an interest in something other than your children or stamp collecting. You know, only safe, mature, normal interests.

I lived (shock and horror) with my boyfriend for four years before we decided to get married, Wiccan-style, at age 25. I had my first child at 26, and I was still sporting a nose ring and combat boots. I was hit hard with baby weight and postpartum depression, and quickly dumped my gothic attire behind me. Why?

• Spit up does not sit well on velvet.
• If it takes more effort to put on than yoga pants, it wasn't worth it.
• Postpartum depression sucks; it makes you hate everything and makes even the simplest tasks so much harder.
• Weight gain also sucks. It meant I couldn't fit into most of my beautiful clothes anyway.
• Society told me I was someone's mother now. Mother's don't sport pink hair, nose piercings, and corsets, now do they?

After my husband and I nearly divorced, after a year and a half of therapy, I'm finally feeling like myself again. I've lost some of the weight I gained after the birth of my daughter, and while I'm nowhere near where I want to be, I can finally begin fitting into my favorite pieces again.

I gave away so much of my stuff to my younger, thinner, childfree friends, that I get to rebuild my wardrobe. I can't say I have any more money than I did in my early 20s, but I've certainly got more fiscal sense and can approach this new endeavor with long forgotten enthusiasm, much to the chagrin of my family.

My father is a judgmental person. He's racist. He's homophobic. He's bigoted. I didn't realize this until we became estranged. He and most of my family, save my brother and my mother, would mock, deride, and criticize everything I chose to wear. Most of my husband's family is the same way. They began to target my parenting, criticizing each choice I would make. I was told often that a Good Mother ^TM wouldn't wear black eyeshadow. A Good Mother ^TM wouldn't wear stompy boots. A Good Mother ^TM wouldn't wear that enormous skirt around town.

Introduction and First Fashion Post

I'm just another blog in the sea of gothic blogs, just another goth, just another parent, just another person who is almost 30 and feels like I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I've been inspired by one of my favorite blogs to begin my own. I run another blog pertaining to my doll hobby, so I am by no means a stranger to blogging. I'll be posting a list on the sidebar of my favorite goth blogs, the ones I found most inspiring as I began to rediscover myself and rekindle my confidence.

My youngest brother, probably my biggest supporter, passed away this summer a few weeks after turning 17. His death shook what little I thought I understood of the world up,  and left me finding myself and my old hobbies and interests again- he'd always supported and believed in me, no matter how "weird" the rest of the family thought I was. So in some ways, this is my homage to him. I won't ever give up on myself. I'll be strong, for him....

Anyways, I'm a little shy, lacking a bit in confidence. I have a degree in anthropology, but I work as a secretary. Thus, I get to incorporate a little corp goth into my wardrobe. I have two toddlers, a husband who has embraced the steampunk culture and his own darker side (Jack the Ripper being his main style inspiration). I have a flair for the dramatic and the flamboyant (what can I say... I'm a libra). I ramble and curse a lot more than a proper lady ought. I'm a part-time mermaid saving for a silicone tail of my own, among other things.

My style can best be described as "recovering American Eagle devotee with a secret stash of romantigoth frills and petticoats". On non-fancy days, something along the lines of rocker chick or corp goth. I dabble a bit in dark mori/witchy goth.

Why I thought my perspective was worth sharing:

I found myself searching for a few specific things over and over again--

• "How should I dress at 30?"
• "30 year old goths"
• "Goth Parents"
• "Too old to dress goth?"

I admit to a certain weakness-- I put far too much stock in the opinions of others and always have. I felt compelled to act a certain way, dress a certain way, that the old me was gone because I put on a few pounds since my early 20s and became a wife and mother (twice over!). One blog in particular popped up on my search. I read her post over, over again. She summed it up perfectly: I'm over my normal phase, and I'm coming back to my gothy home, society be damned (paraphrased of course). Find her post here.

I'm exploring my style, how to make a mom of toddlers on the go work the goth look without feeling like I'm looking like I'm trying too hard.

What I plan to blog about:

• My style exploration
• Confidence issues as I journey towards my 30s 
• Grief and loss (I'll try to keep this to a minimum, though I think as we age, we find more and more people around us dying.)
• My weight loss journey (I've lost 25 lbs since my daughter was born last December, with about 30 more to go!)
• Relationship, Parenting, and Family Issues of the non-baby bat variety (not that baby bat issues are bad or irrelevant, just that there are plenty of other blogs which do that very thing).
• Societal pressures unique to the aging or Elder Goth tribe. 

Sorry for this terribly long, ranty post. I hope you'll join my on my journey, and maybe find something of interest to you. Thank you for reading, and happy haunting. ;)


And for a first time picture, have one of my husband and I on Halloween this year.

Outfit Info:

• Chicstar lace up blouse with witchy sleeves
• Corset Deal Marcelle Corset
• Retroscope Fashions Black Victorian Bustle Skirt
• Retroscope Fashions Hoop Skirt in Black
• Pink Crinoline from Localovespirate on Etsy 
• Unknown thrift shop crinoline
• Unknown black coin belt
• Bongo brand knee high black boots I've owned since junior high XD